IssuesNews

The Pop in Bubble Wrap is No More

In tragic news, the makers of Bubble Wrap, a childhood wonder, next to Lip Smackers and Just for Me, and the one plastic confidant to neurotic people everywhere, announced a spanking new version of it’s signature wrap made for packages. And the pop is gone.

Sealed Air, Bubble Wrap’s founder and primary seller, is presenting a newer version to cut costs called iBubble.

“Traditional Bubble Wrap ships in giant, pre-inflated rolls, taking up precious room in delivery trucks and on customers’ warehouse floors,” the statement reads.

“One roll of the new iBubble Wrap uses roughly one-fiftieth as much space before it’s inflated.”

They didn’t think to consider what we felt. We received no memo, no tweet. No fair warning. Now when we have glassware, and other fragile items delivered, there will be no excitement, no real expectancy. No pop, pop, poppin’ delight.

Only a damn set of basic Martha Stewart wine glasses.

Fuck everything.

Jawbreaker

Jawbreaker

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