You didn’t have to pledge DST or AKA in undergrad to have the perfect girl squad. You’re grown and out here in the world. And there’s no better way to completely run shit than with an unstoppable and strategic girl squad.

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I know what you’re thinking. This sounds mad pretentious. You’re no social climber! Well that’s because you’re not thinking big enough, ma. Girl squads are carefully crafted armies where soldiers have assets and vaginas.

It’s your own network of super friends you’ve chosen for more than their personalities and their proximity to your apartment or office cubicle. With a badass girl squad to tote, #nonewfriends becomes more than a hashtag, it’s a binding and sacred policy!

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When we spot pics of celebrity friends like Beyonce and Gwyneth Paltrow, Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss or Oprah and Tyler Perry—well Perry isn’t a woman but it applies here and no, that’s not shade!—you see more than friends who happen to be famous, you see a tactical and discerning merger who share agents, glam squads, private jets and a treasure chest of insider secrets for total world domination!

Thinking of developing your very own girl squad or giving your current circle a makeover? Here’s a few notes to keep in mind!

1. If you’re the LeBron of your line-up, get a new crew.

Any ole certified life coach or Instagram quote will tell you: surround yourself with friends better than you. It’s common knowledge you need a starting line-up of go-getters. But if you’re the only accomplished friend in your circle, it’s time to plot your exit strategy, sis. You need a team like what Miami Heat was supposed to be. Only you actually win a championship. If you’re the Beyonce of your group, you need a Rihanna, Nicki Minaj and Alicia Keys flanking you. Everyone’s a winner. Men and LinkedIn recruiters turn heads!

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2. No losers allowed.

Real girl squads are merciless. Everyone pulls weight. Got a self-loathing, no-vision having, thot-centric chick in your crew? It’s time to loose her! And ask yourself why you befriended her in the first place. If she’s experiencing a nadir or a third-quarter life crisis, do everything you can to snap her out of it by gifting her spa trips, late night pick-me-upper calls or random texts with Bible scriptures.

3. Mine your resources.

The myth of the crabby crab who thinks she can be the only accomplished Black girl in the office is dusty, age-old gum stuck on the sidewalk between 116th and 117th. Your goal is for everyone to eat and sharing is the creed. Whether it’s an important contact, job opportunity or an invite-only VIP sample sale, you pass it along because your love for your girls is without limits. How-some-ever, for authentic girl squads, the friend on the receiving end of things must also equally return the favor. Finding yourself rolling out a friend who doesn’t ever roll you out? Does she have not a single contact or resource to share? Refer to step 2, she’s dust! Mine and hover over your squad’s resources like it’s the apocalypse!

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4. Diversify!

Don’t go out and find a you to befriend. If you’re an engineer, squad up with an artsy disrupter. If you’re the free-spirited flower child, get yourself a stern Miranda-like chick on your team. It’s beyond visuals, my dear, it’s about a personality-balance. Your Miranda may only wear St. John and turns her nose up at your perfectly beaten Frye boots but her knack for money-saving and penning those scary legal letters you need every once and a while to put a basically basic in check via email is just the thing you need. Run with a squad with goons and litigators. But that hood friend can’t be an embarrassment at your company event!

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5. Vent new recruits!

It’s always the nice Sinclair from “Living Single” kind of friend who brings a plus one to the exclusive dinner party you slaved over the past two months. Nah, homie. Girl squads are invite-only. No strangers allowed. But your girl is hard-pressed and swears the new girl is dope. Fine! Vent her LinkedIn first, Instagram profile next and give her a test-run. If she’s cool and down for step 3, she might be a keeper.

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6. Do scheme and do conquer.

In a “ain’t nobody fucking with my clique” style, your crew is doing more than boozing out at brunch: your squad plots. It’s about who’s snagging that VP role at brand A and who’s chairing the fall gala and outselling the star table.

If your goal in life is to beast now and rest well later, this is a step you understand all too well.

Geneva S. Thomas

Geneva S. Thomas

Geneva is the founder of Jawbreaker, which she plans on turning into an intergalactic all-girl army that will someday storm the streets of the world in studded bras and Tom Ford boots. She recently took up archery and collects more books than shoes.

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