CityNew York

Ew! Man Caught Masturbating In a Hat on a New York Subway

In today’s ‘ew’ news, the New York Police are on the hunt for a man who allegedly masturbated into a hat on the subway last week. A woman told authorities after the man “exposed himself and masturbated to completion on a crowded uptown A train.”

 Son couldn’t wait, huh? Or more likely, he needs help. Sex addiction is real, folks!

The incident occurred Friday, June 19th. According to Gothamist, the woman’s complaints reads:

“I got in the first car of the A train at Hoyt/Schermerhorn around 10 a.m., and saw a young man with his penis out of his pants, masturbating. He was using his hat to hide himself but from where I was standing I could clearly see what he was doing. He kept looking around. I moved a few steps away and took a photo, and then a video.”

Well isn’t she the Inspector Gadget? We would have moved to the other side of the train or umm…zeroed in on our Spotify “Summertime Ratchetery” playlist. Have you heard the Trap Queen remix?

Anywho. The woman also added the man ‘cleaned himself’ in a tunnel between High Street and Fulton. Gross!

Judging from the video, the men seated closer to the suspect were in total chill mode, minding their business.


Reportedly, the NYPD plans to put a poster up in search of the suspect. Here comes the Instagram memes!

In more hilarity, here’s more of what the woman told Gothamist:

When I was in Manhattan filing my report, ANOTHER call came in from another woman, different train, probably a different guy, also masturbating. So, I guess it’s a hot topic because men can’t stop masturbating on public transportation. So bizarre!

I have to believe the other people on the train noticed—but people also become inoculated to this, and I think most people just think ‘get away, don’t look’. When I first got on the train and situated myself, I was looking around and was greeted by a stranger’s penis. Not how I wanted to start my morning.

I’ve never seen anything quite so vulgar, though I have seen men aroused before, though they were considerate enough to ignore it.

Clearly she’s a New York newbie. We’ve spotted homeless men and more of the Big Apple deranged pleasuring themselves before. It’s all a part of the New York experience—expensive rent, racist cabbies, and publicly masturbating men.

Welcome to New York!

If you’re as bothered as this woman and care to report the horny suspect, who’s in his 20s, go here.

Jawbreaker

Jawbreaker

It's just us, the home team, ranting 'hard candy with multiple layers' style. Got tips? Got questions? Wanna join the team? Say hey at info@jawbreaker.nyc. *winks*