‘Shut your fucking windows, you whore!'”

A couple boo’d up in Brooklyn’s Bay Ridge are reportedly having the loudest sex in New York City and they’re driving their neighbors insane, according to reports.

New York’s 311 received six complaints in the past year and now this couple is officially on the city’s loudest sex list. #Goals

“Neighbors are having very loud sex with the windows open that can be heard throughout the whole building,” a complaint indicated Nov. 14 at 4:40am.

I’m hollering right now!

This resident spoke directly to DNAinfo New York.

“I’m not sure what they were doing.”

Umm they were getting it in that’s what!

“But the woman was moaning and screaming, ‘Oh yeah, oh, do it to me!” This person who of course asked to remain anonymous

The complainant continues. “I’m not a prude but there are kids in the building, and it was just a ridiculously loud amount of noise being made that the first time another woman yelled out her window, ‘Shut your fucking windows you whore!'”

*runs around office in laughing hysteria*

“The noise is unbearable and keeps us awake at night.”

Apparently the couple became more quiet in winter and pumped up the volume in the past week with the warmer weather in the city.

YAAAS, spring-time sex!

But the Bay Ridge couple aren’t the only ones having stadium-sound sex. There’s a 71 year-old man on East 34th Street having “marathon sex” at 2 and 3am. According to a father who lives near the active senior, the 71 year-old got a girlfriend last fall and says whenever she comes to his home, the two go at it all night long. The father of two thinks the senior is taking Viagra.

YAAAAS, cat daddy!

The father submitted a complaint to 311 writing, “My next door neighbors are having loud and vulgar sex since 11:30pm! This happens on a nightly basis. The noise is unbearable and keeps us awake at night.”

And that’s not all the father wrote.

“Also they turn on the music extremely loud but you can still hear them screaming outside!!!”

Seems the 71 year-old attempted to be considerate knowing their makin’ whoopee time gets a little deafening and tried to remedy the issue with even more deafening music.

Reportedly 311 received 133 complaints between Jan 1, 2014 and Feb.12, 2015 from New Yorkers bitching about their neighbor’s thunderous sex.

Perhaps if they were getting some, it wouldn’t be so annoying for them? Or maybe like the father of two on east 34th, they’re concerned for their small children?

Brooklyn ranks the highest of all the city’s boroughs for the loudest sex at 42 complaints. Thought the borough would be less loud since I left in 2009?

Queens comes in next with 37 followed by the Bronx at 31 and Manhattan at 23. Apparently Staten Island has no complaints. Because people on the island are more tolerant of blaring, booming, jungle sex. And members of Wu-tang no longer live there.

DNAinfo reports 311 operators warn they’ll notify a local New York Police Department precinct and if officers are available, they’ll come to the residence and investigate the “disturbance.”

Careful not to be ticketed, New Yorkers. You wouldn’t want to be charged with disturbing the peace for late-night boning and moaning.

Geneva S. Thomas

Geneva S. Thomas

Geneva is the founder of Jawbreaker, which she plans on turning into an intergalactic all-girl army that will someday storm the streets of the world in studded bras and Tom Ford boots. She recently took up archery and collects more books than shoes.

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