‘A Little Cheating’? WTF is That?
There’s a meme going around with pictures of celebrity couples like Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade that says “2 women that are happily married because they didn’t let a little cheating ruin the relationship.”
Point blank that is one of the dumbest things I’ve read on the internet to date; it almost sounds equivalent to “he only hit you once.”
The first problem is calling it “a little cheating.”
Let’s get something straight here, cheating is cheating. You can’t try to justify or minimize it by classifying the types of cheating as more or less damaging. All cheating is cheating and it all hurts in some way.
If you actively did something with another person that you knew would hurt your partner, whether it was sex or emotional cheating, you cheated. The end.
The second problem here is that this meme tries to insinuate that women remain single or miss out on a good thing because they aren’t willing to accept that a man cheats, as if that’s normal and should be acceptable.
As someone who was cheated on and chose to forgive and resume my relationship I can genuinely say that the relationship is never the same. (Spoiler alert: my relationship didn’t make it.)
Your trust is gone. No matter how much you want to let go and believe that person would never hurt you like that again, you will forever second guess everything and worry about what they’re doing.
Not only is the trust gone but your personal sense of self worth and self esteem are usually shot to hell too. You question what you did wrong, why you weren’t enough, if they really still want you. It’s a terrible feeling and definitely no way to exist in a relationship.
The meme even uses some seemingly successful celebrity relationships where the man cheated, to point out that these women are celebrities and they forgave cheating, so who are you not to forgive. Listen, it is a celebrity’s job to appear to have an idyllic life; even their mess-ups are made to look glossy.
So yeah Beyonce might not divorce Jay-Z and forgave him, but it might have changed the nature of their relationship forever. The same goes for Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade. We see beautiful and carefully PR curated photos of how happy and real their life is, but that doesn’t mean it’s the life they actually live.
The reality is, we just don’t know, maybe Gabrielle doesn’t think or worry about cheating at all, and that’s her business, but it doesn’t mean you need to live that life.
The biggest problem with this meme and even this concept is the idea that a woman might be letting go of a good thing over cheating. Now everyone’s math is different, but in my equation cheating does not add up to a good thing. Everything else about the relationship might be sunshine and daisy’s but 90% of the time a man who cheats on you doesn’t respect your relationship.
He might be a great person in life, but that doesn’t automatically make him a good partner. A man could have the biggest heart, care about educating the babies, and changing the world, but that doesn’t mean he can keep it in his pants.
Every relationship and situation is different, as are the people in it. Some women feel that they’ve built too much for too long with a man to let cheating destroy that. Other women don’t care if it’s been twenty years, they lived before that man and they will continue to live after he’s gone.
Whichever way you feel, just don’t minimize any kind of harm another person brings to you, and that includes cheating. Don’t feel like you have to stay because it worked for someone else.
What’s for you, ain’t for everyone.