Christmas is around the corner and while some of our lists look like entire Sephora stores, there are some other things we really want that you just can’t buy in stores.
One thousand thread count sheets, the large Diorama shoulder bag, and an entire year’s worth of Brazilian waxes all sound spectacular but what we really need from Santa looks a little something like this:
- For all Fuckboys on earth to exit stage left, forever.
The era of the fuckboy has been dark and long, and this holiday season we’d be grateful for the light of real dates! Sliding into our DMs has never been cute. Netflix and Chill isn’t a date and if one more of these dudes tell us how they don’t like to define relationships then we’re just gonna go on ahead and give ourselves over to the church.
2. An extra hour of uninterrupted sleep.
Honestly we just want to be able to hit 5 hours and still have time to get our mascara & lipstick on in the morning before we walk out of the door. Women can not survive on caffeine alone!
3. For Obama to get a third term.
Come on! Do you see what our options are at this point? If it’s Trump, we’re migrating abroad.
4. For Anonymous to hack Sallie Mae.
Excuse us while we silently cry over our $100,000 piece of paper.
5. Real Life gym motivation.
We’re not even asking for cross fit bodies, we just want the will power to actually make it to a damn Zumba class. We’ll do the rest.
6. For Frank Ocean to drop his album.
Seriously though, Frank. What the hell is good?
7. A Get Out of Menstrual Jail Free Card.
It would be amazing to just have one month where we can crave chocolate in peace sans blood, cramps, emotional breakdowns and breakouts. No one likes feeling like a neverending scene out of Carrie.
8. Free Tampons!
Speaking of the need to have a stress free cycle, can we please get some complimentary sanitary products? And the good ones? It’s not our fault our uterus up and sheds themselves once every 28 days. Why are we forced to pay for it?!
9. Unlimited Car Service!
Listen, there’s countless times we are simply over hailing cabs and switching our heels to flats in order to hop on the 3 train to an after hours turn up. Uber and Lyft can send your checking account into a spiral if you’re not careful. This is precisely why we desperately need Santa to gift us with free and unlimited luxury car service. We need sexy men in suits opening and closing our doors and be a wiz at beating rush hour traffic. Oh, and selfie and makeup enhancement lighting and room temperature bottles of Evian wouldn’t hurt either!
10. To wake up to perfect blowout after hours of wild sleep!
Call it magic. But once, just once, in the year 2016 of our Lord, we’d like to be able to wake up to most flawless hairstyle. We want to roll out of bed with our fro’s popping, our edges laid, and our curls twirled for heaven and earth!