jaw-break-er

noun

1. Hard candy with multiple layers.

2. A girl disrupter and ageless agitator who leaves fairy dust and notes of Chanel Mademoiselle everywhere she dwells. She has more books than shoes. Dates globally and shops for kale locally. Equally worships bell hooks and old school Lil’ Kim. She’s got control of her sex life and quotes Andre 3000 in bed. Regularly cheats on fashion with furniture. She wraps her vibrators in vintage silk slips and won’t step in the gym without wearing a matte, red lipstick.

She doesn’t waste her time with post-racial politics, she rather hopes for a post-racist world. She can blow a guy’s mind with her smile, and kill him with her dinner-table commentary. Knows the road map to the earth’s flyest vintage stores—from Scotland to Chicago’s North side. She can quote the entire seasons of “A Different World and “Will & Grace”. She doesn’t label herself a feminist, she simply doesn’t accept bullshit or double-standards. And she keeps herself circled with chicks even more jawbreaking than she is.   


TAKE THE QUIZ!

1. Your favorite drink is:

a. Champagne. Duh.

b. Caramel Macchiato. Because, espresso.

c. Whatever he’s paying for.

2. It’s Friday night and you are…

a. Recapping the week with your girls over manis & pedis.

b. Studying Claire Underwood’s reads on “House of Cards”.

c. Rushing home from work to change for the club.

3. While walking down the street, you witness police brutality and you…

a. Immediately pull out your phone and get video of the entire incident.

b. Go run for help.

c. Keep walking. You don’t want to be associated with anything ratchet.

4. This summer, you can’t wait to…

a. Road trip to every summer festival possible in floppy hats and denim super short shorts while perfecting your #mood stance.

b. Travel with bae to an exotic getaway.

c. Hit up see and be seen pool parties in the Hamptons.

5. Your idea of fierce shoes are:

a. Walter Steiger and Sophia Webster.

b. Stuart Weiztman, Jimmy Choo and Prada.

c. The latest Louboutins Kerry Washington wore.

6.  If you could trade places with these movie heroines, they would be:

a. Tracy in Mahogany meets The Bride in Kill Bill.

b.  Lisa in Coming to America meets Katie in The Way We Were.

c. Charlotte in Sex and the City: The Movie meets Deena in Dreamgirls

7. A dude tells you he doesn’t go downtown and you say:

a. Laughs and asks, “They still make boys like you?”

b. Thrusts your vagina towards him anyway!

c. Tell him it’s cool. He doesn’t have to.

8. Your style spirit animals are:

a. Kelis meets Annie Hall.

b. Solange meets Diana Ross.

c. Taylor Swift meets Princess Diana.

9. While taking this quiz, you’re listening to:

a. Old school Climaxx and Lil’ Kim’s “Queen Bitch”.

b. Brandy’s “Afrodisiac” album on repeat and Destiny’s Child Greatest Hits.

c. I’m not listening to music now. I need to focus.

10. A friend of a friend says she can’t stand Beyonce and you think…

a. Run! A girl who hates girls. Ew.

b. Oh, she probably thinks Beyonce pledged the Illuminati.

c. It’s okay. Everyone has their preferences.

11. When a guy asks to go Dutch, you…

a. Make it rain on the table Magic City-style, walk out and immediately delete his number.

b. Look confused and tell him you don’t speak the language.

c. Tell him you were under the impression it was a date and expected him to pay.

IF YOU ANSWERED…

MOSTLY A’s

*bumps breast together in air*  You’re definitely a Jawbreaker! You’ll turn anything into a celebratory moment. You live for other power women, and you value the odd wonder of a shoe over the designer. You don’t take shit from men and when it comes to sex, you’re a masterful wunderkind, and not so quiet Samantha—but only for the men who’s proven himself worthy. You can be found zoning off in your own world to Cherelle’s “I Didn’t Mean Turn You On” and will lead the crowd swim at South by Southwest as your frightened and mildly jealous co-workers look on. Your hair is super fly whether in a twist out or blowout and you’ll be the one girl at the spring gala in a ’70s nod to YSL’s Le Smoke moment.

MOSTLY B’s

You’re Class B Jawbreaker. You’re here for a party and most people at your office live for you! You love a bad shoe and at the annual Bergdorf’s shoe sale, you’ll probably grab those Alalia boots you saw Kate Hudson wear. You’re part unicorn, part asshole and your need to prove your knowledge of the front page of the Wall Street Journal’s Global Markets page bewilders most men and turns the one man you actually need in your life off.

MOSTLY C’s

Womp. Womp. Sorry Miss Sinclair from “Living Single” meets SATC’s Charlotte. You dream of unleashing your inner power bitch, but you’re too busy shopping for more Kate Spade bags and working up the perfect intro line for that time you’ll finally meet your fiance’s (that you’ve had since 2009) boss’ wife for lunch.

Tweet us your results @jawbreakernyc! Don’t be shy!