I like sex. Scratch that…I love it. I’m *coughs* years old and I can confidently say I have the drive and at least six vibrators to prove my devotion. This isn’t about self love. No. This is about you putting those toys away and letting something that doesn’t operate on D batteries take over. Sex can be awkward, the first time with a new boo for sure can. I find it most difficult when you’ve built up a lot of tension and desire for someone new only to have the flames blown out because there were too many position changes or you didn’t tell him not to put it there at that moment. Of course you want to get to that good groove where you have a deep connection with each other. That point when you both know each other’s bodies and moves and you’ve committed to memory every inch of their skin that you mapped out during those dark city nights. But with someone spanking new, how do you get there?

I’m plagued with a sense of wonder right before I start sleeping with a new boo. What is it going to be like? What if I have to end up using those aforementioned toys to make up for some lack?

Here’s some of the things I think about before doing what I like to call the new sex (side note: I’ve not cheated on my new boo with my sex toys).

New Sex is where it’s at. It’s the set off point to what can either be recurring fantastic freak sessions or just a one night dud. I always have a million things going through my head that I can almost put myself out of the mood. To spare yourself from going through the turmoil I’ve put myself through (which can only be described as a high strung teen preparing for her prom night) here are some tips to make your tryst is a lot less awkward.

Prime the Pump.

This is a mixed bag the first time around. You both could give and receive, but often it seems to be a one sided job. Don’t miss this opportunity to really put your money where your mouth is. I’m talking about the other kind of lip service. Sex doesn’t begin with body parts, it’s a mental game. Talk to your partner about what they like, don’t like, how they like things and give good feedback and guidance on what you want more of. If he’s telling you you’re the sexiest thing ever, you will feel it and want to live up to that reputation. Sexy is all in your mind, until it’s all hot and steamy somewhere else.

Take the Tour.

So you’re naked and maybe you’ve already gotten to home base. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a look around the field again. I like to take inventory of my new body. It helps me to really get a feel for who they are. I can find my favorite part and also maybe find something new and unexpected NOT like that. Use your hands to stroke your partner’s body. Take your fingertips and rub them along the most sensitive parts of their skin lines to see if they’re ticklish. I noticed with my new dude, we both have small freckles on our hands. I would have never noticed it had I not taken the time to really study and explore his body. Obviously this is something that should be done in daytime morning light perhaps even though you can definitely use your sense of touch in the darkness.

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Trim the Kitty.

You want people to comment on how nice your front lawn looks. Clearly to get this kind of praise you have to mow it. Same rules apply in this case. Manicure all areas and maybe spray a light fragrance across your body. You might want to stock up on probiotics to keep it fresh to death. While you’re at it, make sure you aren’t wearing anything your new boo may be allergic to. When all is said and done, you want to look and feel good totally naked. You never know when the lights may be cut on so be prepared. Presentation is everything!

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Wrap it Up, B.

Yeah I know this is your new boo; you’re totally into them, can’t live without him, he’s the most bestest person in the world…but here’s the thing. He is still new. I get it, you get lost in the moment and being desensitized can be a bitch but so can an STD. Do yourself a favor and wrap it up. Use the glove at least until you get to know your new boo better. Maybe then you could consider taking a little trip to the land of raincoat free weather. Keep your stash of condoms in a cute jewelry box you’re not using anymore or the duster bag from those Jimmy Choos you just bought.

Location, Location, Location.

You may want to try to pull out all of your freak cards early so he can know he’s got a good thing. Thinking about the bar bathroom stall? That’s cute and I’m gonna let you finish, but if you don’t know what position is best for the two of you yet, you might not want to try to bump uglies in the restaurant. Only so many positions can work in there and it might not be the one for you.

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Sizable Gift.

The bigger the box the bigger the gift am I right? But this isn’t always true in the sex department. Our society says bigger is better. Your man’s package is something he can’t control without outside forces. First of all, don’t expect the worst. Generally you will probably get a standard size. When it comes to what he’s packing if you really need to know, you can feel him up while he’s napping or grind really close to him when you’re out at a club. If you’re like me, you want to know what you’re gonna get before you open the box.

It’s Just Different.

You may have been a master with the last person but that was then and this is now. Some of the things that worked on the last person will need some tweaking for your new boo. Don’t get discouraged if your signature move isn’t golden the first time or the second time. Try another button or change positions or even better, just be patient. We’re too impatient and want everything right now, right this second and we often miss out on the journey and all the rewards. Take your time and move with ease to reach your own personal place of ecstasy.

Brianna Seagraves

Brianna Seagraves

Brianna is native of Maryland and a tall girl making everything glitter with scripts and witty commentary.​ You're welcome.​